Doug Hutchison

I’m not hating on Doug Hutchison, I’m just saying that maybe a 51 year-old dude shouldn’t marry a child.

Who is Doug Hutchison, you ask? Well, I’m not hating on you, because I didn’t know either. I guess he’s an actor who was in The Green Mile. That was filmed in 1998, back when he was 38 and his wife was 4. Hot hating, just saying.

Really dude? When your wife was 4 years old, you were a 38 year-old shooting a movie!? Do you know what you were doing when you were 4 years old?

I do. You were watching Kennedy get shot. In 1963.

Is this type of thing usually legal? Of course not. But the 16 year-old’s mother signed a waiver giving consent of the marriage.

Hey dude, here’s a great rule of thumb in life: If you’re in your 50s, don’t marry someone if you literally need a permission slip from her parents to legally fuck her. Your dick isn’t a field trip.

Maybe I’m wrong here. I’m sure this child’s parents can be trusted to have her best interests in mind. Sure, she’s an aspiring country music singer, but I’m sure she’s been raised well. Let’s see a photo shoot from her last album:

Hmm. That’s pretty much exactly what I expected, if I’m going to be honest.

I’m so angry about this, I’m not even going to write anymore. I’d worry this girl’s feelings will be hurt if she reads this, but I’m not even sure she’s old enough to read yet.

Not hating, just saying.