I’m not hating on MySpace for finally kicking off 90,000 registered sex offenders, but what the hell took you so long?
How many Chris Hanson episodes where MySpace was mentioned was it gonna take for you to realize you had a problem? How many shout-outs by perverts being struggled to the ground by the police was gonna give you a hint?
I mean true, MySpace is known for its off-the-record, interoffice slogan: “Pussy is like blackjack - 16 and under, hit it. 17 and over, don't bother.” But you had to know that people outside your inner circle weren’t gonna get the “joke.”
Come on Tom, is that really your picture, or is that a picture of your nephew? Or is that a picture of you 30 years ago, cause it’s getting to the point where I’m wondering if Tom likes his grass on the new growth side if you know what I mean. I’m not calling Tom a pedophile but…wait I think I am.
If I was just walking down the street and witnessed a murder and don’t report it, I can go to jail, right? Now what if I build a popular room and in this room everybody can talk to everybody and a few little girls get raped - let's say...90,000 of them - wouldn’t I be in jail too cause I built the room and didn’t stop convicted sex offenders in there? And then wouldn’t I look stupid if out of the blue I make a big to-do and say, “Hey sex offenders! You can’t hang out here anymore! All of you, out!!” Wouldn’t you think I like little girls too? That’s right. So Tom fucks little boys. It makes sense.
And who was this “hero” who finally brought it up in a board meeting? Who finally raised his hand and said, “I mean, I love underage girls whose parents are out of town and take inappropriate pictures of themselves as profile pictures as much as the next guy, but don’t you think we got to do something here?” Then I would have loved to see Tom’s face, fresh from his daydream of SEXXYGIRL69696969, whose profile he looks up from and says, “I don’t touch little boys. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
The room is quiet for a moment before our Hero says, “Um, I didn’t say you were, sir.”
Then Tom quickly responds, “You think I like little boys? Well I’ll show you. We’re banning every sex offender on MySpace. Today.”
I’m not hating on MySpace, I’m just saying.