Michael Phelps

I'm not hating on Michael Phelps, I'm just saying that there's no way I'm ever going to smoke weed with him.

In case you haven't heard, there was a bit of controversy this weekend over a photo that turned up of Phelps taking a hit from a bong.

So, who was Phelps hating on, you ask? Was it his sponsors, for having to support him after his second drug-related hiccup (he got caught drunk-driving four years ago)? Was he hating on all the kids who look up to him and thought he'd never do drugs? Or maybe he was hating on those involved with "My Victory," which is the program that he voluntarily agreed to support that encourages keeping competitive sports free of any and all drugs?

No. Michael Phelps is a hater all right, but he's not hating on any of them. He's hating on the people he was smoking with.

This man is not only a world-class athlete, but a lot of people believe he has the largest lungs in the world. This dude can swim 50 meters in one breath - imagine how much of your weed he can take on a single hit. Do you understand how frustrating that would be? It'd be like getting high in a circle and sitting next to a hot air balloon. It's mind-boggling. Are you kidding me? Can you imagine him passing you the bong after him? "Hey...Mike...I hate to point fingers...but there's no bong anymore. Did you literally suck the entire glass bong into your lungs, dude?" This dude was on a diet of 12,000 calories a day. What do you think that translates to in ounces?

I'm not hating on Michael Phelps, I'm just saying that I bet that dude is the most selfish weed-smoker, ever.