Top 100 Haters of All Time: 95-91

95. The Fratellis



A family of straight haters! They were lead by their mother. Mama Fratelli. Her and her two sons chased down these poor young kids who were simply trying to save their town the goon docks from being signed over to greedy developers. They almost pureed some fat kids hand (chunk) and they also had a special needs brother that they literally enslaved and treated like some sort of animal. This is a heinous crime and I was glad that they were arrested at the end of the movie but I think the Slavery charge would actually get them more time then the "trying to beat these crazy kids to some alleged pirate treasure charge."

94. I can't believe it’s not butter

You hated on the world, by introducing this stupid ass phrase into the American vernacular. People couldn't believe that you could come up with something so clever to sell your fake ass butter. Now people are still saying I can't believe it's not this and I can't believe it's not that. I can't believe this shit caught on. You see!? I just did it. I blame you I can't believe it's not butter. You are also blamed with bringing Fabio back into people’s lives with your dumb ass commercials, even if it was only for a moment. That right there is enough to get you on this list. But what puts you over the top is you’re completely uncalled for hate on butter. Why would you want to be so much like butter, yet not be butter? You can’t have it both ways, and I think you owe butter an apology. I can definitely believe you when you say it's not butter(because you taste like shit) but you can’t tell me that shit is not hating…hater.

93. George Foreman

One of the most blatant haters of our time. George Foreman took the hating world by storm when he introduced us to his grills, his George Foreman Lean Mean Fat Reducing Grilling Machine. The philosophy behind the fat reduction was that the grill was slight tilted forward so shit rolled off into a tray that you would have lost about 10 minutes after your aunt bought you the grill. First of all that notion is just bullshit…also he often was quoted as saying this about his endorsement of the grill, “I don’t put my name on just anything.” Actually hater, you do. You have 5 sons that you named George and a poor daughter that you named Georgetta or some shit. You have another daughter that you named Freda George. It’s clear that you have no aspirations for your children if you are going to do that to them. So yea you will put your name on any piece of shit out there, if it wasn’t a piece of shit before you put your name on it, it will definitely be a piece of shit by the time you are done with it. What do you call your penis? Georgino? Actually I don’t want to know.

92. Tiger Woods

Hates on anyone ever who ever tried to play golf ever by dominating them. He is such a hater that even his absence from golf makes him the biggest story in golf. In fact, when he got hurt other golfers who won golf tournaments got less credit because they knew that if Tiger Woods was there he would have destroyed him. There Tiger hates with his "Absentee Ballot hate." Also, because he is black and plays golf so well he single handedly delivered a historical hate on racism. Totally hating on traditional values of the South and of the whole country club culture(And I think he got a white caddy son!).

91. Sam Walton

The founder of Wal-Mart. He’s like a natural disaster hater, he knocks out whole towns and devastates them with his Wal-Mart stores. Wal-Mart also treats its employees like crap. But that isn’t why he made the list. His biggest hate is his Sam’s Choice Cola, which is named after him. You see it’s his choice of cola because Sam likes the taste of shit. It tastes like shit, and the shit is all natural, it is actual shit of employees that have to work for Wal-Mart and hate it. I think Sam chooses it also because it is so cheap, and he likes cheap shit. This sucks for kids, because if they want a soda and there is a coke machine next to a Sam’s Choice Machine(The Sam’s Choice machines are rare, the cans are usually just handed out by someone without health insurance), what is your mom going to get you? The more expensive Coke or Sam’s Choice that cost us 30 cents? Sam is hatin, his true Choice would be to see us all dead…never forget that.

Crip Walking For Jesus!

I'm not hating on people who Crip Walk for Jesus but...



This video may have been pulled from youtube!!! Try THIS!

...I'm just saying.

People who hate on football players who celebrate after scoring a touchdown

I'm not hating people who hate on football players who celebrate after scoring a touchdown, but first of all, you are haters. Second of all, what do you think football players are doing? They are playing football, PLAYING. They play a game for a living. Have you ever scored an NFL touchdown? What about college? Oh so some of you haters have, that's fine, but pretty much everyone has scored a touchdown in a pick-up game and I'll be damned if they didn't feel like dancing.

Why should it be hated on? It's not like they are like you, in your shitty office job, finally locking down the big Henderson account. If you danced after that I could see how someone could hate on you (I wouldn't though, I don't hate). Basically, no one cares about you, go ahead get your Henderson account, I don't care, nobody does. But when Randy Moss goes up and grabs an amazing Touchdown while millions of people watch cheering, I think a little pop and lock is in order.

Shit, some of these dudes get paid based on their performance and with their salaries they can make like 20G's per touchdown. If you just got 20 thousand dollars for playing a game, don't you think you would stomp the yard a little bit? In fact, tell me a time when you played Monopoly and owned Park Place with a Hotel and when someone landed on it, that you didn't celebrate …And that's fake money! If you try to tell me you didn't celebrate then you are lying. If you try to tell me that you never owned Park Place with a hotel on it then I feel sorry for you. That shit is amazing, it feels like scoring a Touchdown in the NFL.

But no, no you wouldn't. Because all you do is hate and hating isn't worth celebrating, hater. I'm not hating People who hate on football players who celebrate after scoring a touchdown, I'm just saying.

People Who Ask You to Donate to Third World Charities on the Street

I’m not hating on people who ask you to donate to third world charities on the street, but I don’t need a hippy version of Sally Struthers telling me I’m ignoring the world when I’m at Potbelly trying to get a cheap lunch.

I mean is this it? Is this your contribution to the world? Begging? Acting like a homeless person as you use your parents trust fund like a safety net? Oh what's that? You're helping the world. No, you're an asshole who's acting like an official homeless guy. Would you like a comparison? Sure.

Homeless People ask for help. That's you.

Homeless people prey on your guilt. SOOOO you.

Homeless People stink. And so do you. Take a bath hippie!

Let’s be honest on what you really are, someone who's made some really bad life choices and you’re trying to make up for it by trying to answer a “WANT TO MAKE QUICK MONEY?” ad, aren't you? You are. You skimmed over all the real jobs that take real work. Not qualified to be a waiter, let alone a barista. That drug test won’t allow you in the post office. And temp work? HA! They haven’t called you back since you handed in your patchouli scented resume'!

So begging it is.

Why don’t you get your hippy minds together and think of a better idea? Why don’t you…start a commercial. Yeah, a commercial where instead of pictures you can show actual videos of people in their desperate state. Maybe you can get someone famous like….um….Sally Struthers? Is she still doing that commercial for that trade school? Fuck it, she has time. Then you can send actual letters from the children telling them that their .75 cents a month is really doing some good.

Okay wait is that idea already taken? I think it is. So it's almost like you're doing a harder, less effective, and more annoying version of something that already exists? I'm not hating, but that's pretty fucking stupid.

Seriously. I'm not hating, just saying.

The Top 100 Haters of All Time: The Definitive List

People may ask us why would we, on a completely hate-free site, highlight the greatest haters that ever graced the Earth. Those people would probably be haters and are scared that they might show up on this list. This list is for the people, for the hated on, and for those yet to be hated. One day our government will make a law that if a hater moves into your neighborhood, they should have to register as a hater and let all of their neighbors know that they are a convicted hater. Until then, this list will serve as a guide and a service to everyone worried about haters infiltrating their generally hate-free life.


The list that you are about to see is definitive. If you feel as though someone on this list is on here unjustly then you are a hater and in the list of all-time haters, you fall just outside of the top 100; anywhere between 500 to 101. If you feel as though we left someone off of the list that definitely needs to be on here, then you are an idiot. This is the TOP 100 HATERS! There are millions and millions of haters out there, and we can’t fit them all into 100. That’s actually impossible to have 1 million haters on a list of the top 100 haters, and that's why you would be an idiot to feel as though someone was left off.


We will not release all of these haters at once. We don’t want to frighten people into thinking that we live in a hateful world. We do, but I don’t think an average person can see so much hate and live to spread the word. So we will probably release the haters out 5 or so at a time. Until we reach the top 10 at which point it will be one at a time as not to overwhelm people.


Any questions? There shouldn’t be. We are professors of hate and hate-storians and are the leaders in haterology. I think we know what the fuck we are talking about. Now, without further ado, please see below as we present to you the first installment of the Top 100 Haters of all time...

Top 100 Haters 100-96

100. Toad


The little mushroom guy from Super Mario Brothers, seems harmless enough, but he is one of the most vicious haters ever. Every time Mario would tirelessly go to other worlds and defeat one of the few last living Dinosaurs to save the princess, all he found was you. You are just standing there, stating the obvious: "Oh, sorry the Princess is in another castle." WHAT mother fukcer?! You knew Princess was in the other castle the whole time?! Did you not see what Mario just did?! There were flying turtles, lava, Dragons and shit! What the fuck is wrong with you, Toad? Wait minute...so you were just hanging out with Koopa the whole time? And he didn't kill you? What were you doing back there? Are you working with him? Where's the Princess? All I'm saying is I am onto you Toad, and I will not sit idley by while you hate all over Mario time and time again.





99. Ted DiBiase, aka 'The Million Dollar Man'


Ted DiBiase was a beast in the wrestling ring, and that does not make you a hater, and his finishing move the "Million Dollar Dream" was great. But there were just a few minor problems with The Million Dollar Man that people fail to remember. One time he let a kid come into the ring and gave him a basketball and told him that if he could bounce it 15 times, he'd give him $500! The kid was bouncing the ball and after the 14th bounce, DiBiase kicked the ball away, sending the boy home without pay. Hating!

Oh yea I almost forgot, Dibiase had a black servant named Virgil, whom he treated like a slave. Learn more about this type of hate in number 96.




98. Julius Caesar


He made the list because his hates have lasted through the ages and they still effect us to this day. Julius, the most famous of the Caesars, introduced the world to the Caesar haircut. The Caesar still plagues our cities and towns today. Even pop stars have fallen prey to his hateful hair design and punished us by their mere existence.





97. Las Vegas


You are the adult playground, huh? More like an adult death trap. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas!? I have heard of more terrible, hateful shit coming out of Vegas than out of the Devil's ass. Their slogan is a lie, the only thing that stays in Vegas are the dead bodies that are buried in the desert. Things that leave Vegas include, but are not limited to: debt, VD’s, horrible marriages, and hopelessness in mankind. The most hateful shit that Vegas let leave was Celine Deion. She worked your casinos for over a year, the rest of the world had thought that we had finally gotten rid of her, but no, you let her Vegas showcase end and re-released her. It hurts more the second time…hater.

96. The color white


Who knew that something that is merely a concept, made up by humans to communicate what the absence of color would look like, could make this list. Think about it though, and its presence is justified. In addition to the obvious skin-related reasons for its inclusion, White hates on every other color by being the only (not)color that is associated with pure innocence. But you are not innocent; we find you guilty of some of the most symbolic yet fucked up hate on earth. I found this definition on dictionary.com - look it up yourself, type in white, hit enter, and get hated on.


Slang. decent, honorable, or dependable: That's very white of you.

That’s very white of you!? White, you hated on everything not white and acted like your shit don’t stink…no, HATE is very white of you.

CHECK BACK LATER FOR THE NEXT 5...

Bubble Dresses

I'm not hating on bubble dresses, but why do women insist on wearing an article of clothing that makes it look like they just crapped their pants? I'm sorry, I just don't understand.

Now look. I'm sure that those dresses are comfortable, and that's great. I'm not hating on women being comfortable, I'm just saying that maybe there's a less disgusting way to do it. Like, maybe you can get that "light, breezy feel" from a pair of shorts that doesn't give you that two-year-old-that-just-shat-on-herself look. Maybe there's a pair of jeans out there that doesn't make you look like you should be waddling around in shame at what you just forgot to tell your parents to help you with. I knew bell-bottoms went out of style years ago. I just didn't know smell-bottoms had taken their place.

Honestly. Women. Seriously. I don't get it. Please help me understand. Okay fine - maybe it doesn't look exactly like you crapped yourself. I mean, it looks like the poop goes all the way around the front and back. What it really looks like is that you and a bunch of your friends - some of whom have trunks and tusks - spent about a week-and-a-half saving up all your collective poop, and then shoveled it all into your dress at once, until the mass of it all actually started weighing down the fabric and there was feces bursting at the seams.

That's honestly what they look like. If you want to wear one, that's cool, but don't expect to attract anyone that isn't turned on by two girls and a cup. I'm not hating on bubble dresses, I'm just saying.

The Rest of the Best: NHJS Press Conference

Well, our big comeback is nearly complete. I am sure you have been watching all of the news networks play our press conference on a loop, but we have some secret footage that they were unable to obtain. We basically want to lay out our plans for the future and once and for all address those haters who actually try to accuse us of hating.

Now we are going to tell you straight, and we are going to tell you once...To those who accused us of hating: We hope you fall into a pit of used syringes while 40 dogs rescued from Michael Vick urinate on your open and disease-infested wounds until you you can no longer remember a time when you weren't covered in urine. NOT hating. But first, here are some of our plans for the future!






Here we address the haters who hate. How dare you attack something we believe in so much. We may have gotten a little emotional here, but it's real.






Lastly, We have a few more things you can expect coming up, and the final ending of the press conference. It ended at roughly 4:15 AM, after about 7 hours and 42 minutes.