One of the most pressing issues at this year's Democratic National Convention - and the upcoming 2008 election - will be how Obama will handle the growing numbers of haters from around the country. One source high in the campaign, speaking on condition of don't-hate-on-me-by-releasing-my-name, was quoted as saying, “He will probably be slapping haters left and right. His hand will be covered with a messy hate-infected goo.”
America has seen a steep rise in hate during the last fiscal year, causing many Fortune 500 companies to lay off their employees. “Hating is an epidemic in the workplace right now. Work just isn’t getting done. I remember the day when you just hated within your own cubicle. Hating has gotten so bad it's bleeding into other departments. Accounting hates on Communications. HR hates on Graphic design. It’s chaos.”
Some Republicans have suggested that we should look into offshore drilling as a source of Hate relief. “Hating is like a pressure in your head. And to relieve that pressure, you have to drill a hole and let the spirits out,” said Hobo Joe, resident of an Exxon Mobile station in the Gulf of Mexico.
What will Obama do exactly? Will he push for a Not Hating Policy in the democratic congress? Seek out foreign aid in not hating, perhaps call on Canada, the most popular country historically when it comes to not hating? Some even speculated that he’d create a cabinet seat dedicated to not hating. Secretary of Not Hating.
Already, Obama has been fighting the haters with his special brand of "handshakes." If you watch carefully, he'll change the style of his handshake depending on the style of the person with whom he is shaking. "Brotha man" shake for the brother. "Gentleman" shake for the lady. "Alma mater" shake for the any older white man he passes. What Obama is doing is what's being labeled in inner circles as "Shaking off the haters."
Whatever Obama decides to do as a final solution, we can’t help but remember his famous words, “We all know there will always be haters out there, so all we can do is continue to not hate and just say. And we’ll keep an eye out for the haters.”