HATER OF THE WEEK: SOUTH AFRICA

We're not hating, but South Africa has lifted a 13-year ban on killing elephants this week. That's why we are lifting up our fingers to type this so that we could tell you that South Africa is this week's Hater of the Week. The Associated Press reports that South Africa is now going to legally let people shoot and kill elephants. Why, do you ask? Oh - because they are no longer on the verge of extinction. I guess that it was unsatisfactory to the South African Government that these big guys weren't endangered anymore. What's the strategy? Keep them endangered to raise awareness of their endangerment? I just confused myself with that statement, but I don't think South Africa is confused at all.

First of all, South Africa how are you going to claim the whole Southern part of Africa with your name? Why are you hating on Zimbabwe, Namibia, and Botswana just to name a few. Are they not in "South Africa." Do you know how hard it is for them to explain to people where their country is? "No I'm from Zimbabwe, it's in South Africa....No not South Africa, but South...Africa, you know what mean, right?" Not to mention you have basically eaten and swallowed Lesotho and Swaziland. Other countries watch out, South Africa will probably try to eat you too. How are you ALL of South Africa? That's like Mexico saying it's gonna call itself Central America or South North America, and that is just stupid. Everyone knows it should call itself "Bottom of America." Ok, and I'm not sure we're talking about geography anymore.

Look, "South Africa," I know you guys have a decent number of Elephants, but it's not like elephants are pigeons. They are not hanging out, crapping on statues, and if they did...well then I guess you would have some pretty disgusting statues. My point is that Kenya doesn't have a bunch of Elephants running around and they are trying to get some, why don't you throw them an elephant or two, son? Why are you so selfish? I mean, shit - if you're just going to kill them, then just give me an elephant for Christ's sake. You are not letting anyone play just because you own the ball! And you are crushing everyones fun by crying and taking it home and apparently killing it.

You can't just start killing things because they are alive. Elephants didn't do anything to anyone, except almost die. Are you trying to make your own version of a sick sequel like "Elephant Extinction: Reloaded" or some shit? Seriously, South Africa, you guys have enough problems with humans- I think you should leave the Elephants alone. You are not even 20 years removed from apartheid and you want to start killing shit? Maybe you should put elephants in their own little part of the country not to intermingle with anyone else…you guys seem to have some experience with that. We're not hating, we're just saying...that South Africa is our Hater of the Week.

You

I’m not hating but you suck. We all can’t stand you. We’ve been meaning to tell you this for a long time. This is actually kind of like an intervention, so sit down. I fucking hate you for real, and I’m trying really hard to “just say” but it’s getting tough with all of the bullshit you pull.

Don’t you dare try to act like you don’t know what I am talking about because I know you do. I remember that time when you did all of that stuff and then acted like it wasn’t you. You tried to pull a fast one, but we all know it was you. So I don’t know why you are sitting there all surprised when you are reading this, like you didn’t know it was coming.

Outside of your general suckiness, do you always have to talk just so we can get a taste of how much your breath stinks? It smells like you found a way to shit in your own mouth and didn’t open up your fat face for 3 days, until you were ready to unleash that foul and just plain uncalled for halitosis breath. It is your own version of “Shock and Awe” hate . For real our eyes were watering. Do you apologize? No you just keep on talking, with all of that spit spewing out of your mouth symbolizing the rivers and oceans of bullshit that you blab about on a daily basis.

Oh and don’t get me started on your teeth. Seriously, are you holding billions of molecules of plaque hostage behind your prison bar style teeth? Is there some 85 year old John McCain style plaque POW, just waiting to come out and lose the United States of Plaque election? Do you gargle with cranberry juice and urine before you go to bed? I’ve heard of yellow and green teeth, but blood red? Eating Cheerio’s shouldn’t make your mouth bleed like that.

I’m sorry but are you some kind of mutant? Or do you consider that leech like uni-brow to be normal? It looks like Bert Reynolds’ and Tom Selleck’s mustaches are 69ing on your forehead. Ewwww, I think Selek’s lip rag just climaxed all over your face, that’s probably where all of your acne comes from. Either that or you use a handful of French fries to wash your face.

Oh what’s that you say? I’m being mean to you? That’s not being mean; I didn’t even mention the several venereal diseases that you inexplicable contracted. Scientists from all over the world are trying to figure out how it happen, no one would ever have sex with you, ever. So how do you get Chlamydia AND Crabs? Well ok the crabs you probably got from that time when we all caught you pleasuring yourself with one of the hand drying machines, but Chlamydia? The Mythbusters are working on that one right now. Seriously how do you get diseases that don’t even exists anymore? The plague!? For real? We know your hygeine is Medevil but your afflictions are as well!?

Look I'm really not hating I just thought it needed to be said. Now get your life together and leave us alone. I'm not hating on you, I'm just saying.