Bubble Dresses

I'm not hating on bubble dresses, but why do women insist on wearing an article of clothing that makes it look like they just crapped their pants? I'm sorry, I just don't understand.

Now look. I'm sure that those dresses are comfortable, and that's great. I'm not hating on women being comfortable, I'm just saying that maybe there's a less disgusting way to do it. Like, maybe you can get that "light, breezy feel" from a pair of shorts that doesn't give you that two-year-old-that-just-shat-on-herself look. Maybe there's a pair of jeans out there that doesn't make you look like you should be waddling around in shame at what you just forgot to tell your parents to help you with. I knew bell-bottoms went out of style years ago. I just didn't know smell-bottoms had taken their place.

Honestly. Women. Seriously. I don't get it. Please help me understand. Okay fine - maybe it doesn't look exactly like you crapped yourself. I mean, it looks like the poop goes all the way around the front and back. What it really looks like is that you and a bunch of your friends - some of whom have trunks and tusks - spent about a week-and-a-half saving up all your collective poop, and then shoveled it all into your dress at once, until the mass of it all actually started weighing down the fabric and there was feces bursting at the seams.

That's honestly what they look like. If you want to wear one, that's cool, but don't expect to attract anyone that isn't turned on by two girls and a cup. I'm not hating on bubble dresses, I'm just saying.