What? You don't know who that is? Well, that's because he plays badminton. So already, this dude is hating on everyone who plays an actual sport. He might become a gold medalist this summer, but we're giving him an even greater honor now - Hater of the Week. His hating is shattering the dreams of table tennis fans all over Singapore. If you haven't heard what happened, allow us to fill you in.Ronald Susilo, who is a somewhat decent badminton player, is suing his ex-fiancé, Li Jiawei, who is the captain of Singapore's Olympic table tennis team. He wants to recover money for an apartment they once shared. This former power couple – they were like the Beckhams, but for all those shitty countries - must have had a messy break-up back in January, and Susilo held the hate until just the right time. It's what's known as a Sling-Shot Hate – when you have some hate to drop on someone, but you save it up until right when it will do the most damage.
So why now? Because - the Olympics are right around the corner! Li is poised to take home the coveted table tennis gold…and now you hit her with this shocking and disruptive news? This situatio
n is like one of those shitty sports movies where the sports star gets his/her heart broken and they are unable to focus on the big game - like, for instance, Juwanna Mann. But Susilo won't let there be a happy ending to this story. He's too good a hater."Does he want to affect my chances of winning a medal or my moods?" Li asked, clearly taking out her frustrations by hating on the English language.
The answer is yes to both, Li…but mainly, he wants to ruin the reputation of Table Tennis. You see, Table Tennis isn't just a game in Singapore, son. It's a way of life - and Li is a table tennis superstar. Singapore needs her to win the gold. They don't have much going for them on the international stage. Sure, they got to cane the ass of a spoiled American, while America could do nothing but watch. But that was a long time ago, and that joy wears off after a while.
So why is Susilo purposefully stressing Li out before the Olympics? Clearly, because Susilo -- as a middle of the road Badminton player -- wants to tear down the Table Tennis establishment by any means necessary. Susilo not only wants to ruin his ex, but also to kill ping pong in Singapore as we (don't) know it. This is his attempt to finally put Badminton at the forefront of the Singapore sports hierarchy, with his Evil Genius Hate – which is when someone thinks of a plan that is incredibly and unnecessarily complicated in order to hate on someone on a worldwide stage.
This was calculated for years. That's why they broke up in the first place; he was insecure about his girl and the sport she played. Think about it: a Badminton ball(or whatever that thing is) is called a shuttlecock, while Li is hitting around ping pong balls. Clearly, he has an inferiority complex because she plays a game with "balls" while he chases around a "cock." The symbolism is clear, people – and Susilo knew that. That is why he executed this Insecure-Male-Hate (also known as a Porsche Hate).His remedy? A nation-shaming – but effective - Insecure-Male-Hate hate, of course. He wants that apartment money, but more importantly, he wants his time in the sun with his shuttlecock in hand. With this masterfully choreographed hate, he can confidently say(hate) Mission Accomplished. Bravo, Ronald Susilo. We're not hating, we're just saying...that you really earned the title of Hater of the Week.
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6 comments:
First stop lights that don't blink and now a badminton player?
That is some serious "Minutia-Hate"
I need to make it known to the world, or just savvy blog readers- i LOVE this site. im gonna hate for a second- i HATE my job, and if my coworkers and i did not discover this this week, well.. i wont bring hate and violence to this warm environment of free speaking social commentary.
LOVE.
-malich
Chris: So you're saying it's a good thing that we didn't post that six-thousand word blog we wrote about how it's hard to figure out which switch in a bathroom is for the light and which one is for the fan?
You are right that our Minutia Hates are impressive. But we'll share a secret with you - and only you: We haven't even scratched the surface, son. We're actually working on something now called a "Single Cell Hate", which is a hate on something so immaterial, and so unmerited, that it actually begins to devalue all other hates, because any hate that has an actual target seems justified and therefore not as hateful. If we can master this concept and start using it in our fight against the haters of the world, we'd have a legitimate shot at world peace. In fact, once John finishes his hate on the part of a key-ring that is so hard to pull apart so that you can slide keys onto it, we--
Listen, this is getting too intense, and we've told you way too much already. Let's move on...
Linzyam: Thank you - and your coworkers - for getting it. But we want to say, one more time, that we don't encourage any hate on this site - not even for a second, and certainly not in all caps. There's no excuse for hating, Linzyam - EVER. In fact, since you hated for that split-second, we hope you die a thousand violent deaths that are more torturous and excruciating than even the most boring and mundane of your workdays. We're not hating, we're just saying.
I'll take a sip of this haterade: "...they were like the Beckhams, but for all those shitty countries..."
/funny cause it's true. Sorry, fascists!
...although why is there no hate being directed toward the half-komono beckham is wearing... I know nothing about fashion, but I know wearing that half-komono should earn him a beating... Not a soccer-beating, where he can pretend he got hit, and just grab his ankle and roll around until someone pours water on it... a real, i-got-caught-chewing-gum-in-singapore beating...
Damn! Phenomenal multi-layered hate! In one comment, you hated on Beckham, his girly outfit, soccer players, Singapore's medieval laws, AND us for not taking full advantage of our hate options.
You're right - clearly, we did a pretty crappy job of hating. And the fact that you started with a compliment made it clear that you aren't even hating on us - you're just saying. Touche'.
Not Hating Just Saying is the best blog of all time. I will bludgeon the mother of anyone who disagrees with me and take a steaming one in her dead mouth. My name is Mike and there is no excuse for that last sentence. Not crazy, just tasteless.
Keep the great work guys,
-mike w.
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