I’m not hating on Black Men with Mohawks, but why do all of them have to be so fucking cool?
Oh, what’s that, Seaton? You want one too? Too bad you can’t get one. Why? Cause you got a job. Good luck with all that responsibility.
But I want one, fellas.
Ok, you can have one. I’ll tell you how.
How?
Stop being a bitch!
Fuck you Mohawk muthafuckas. I want one too. I want to walk into a room and be looked at. You know how safe a Mohawk-wearing black dude looks? There’s no way you’re gonna mix up the Mohawk guy with the guy that just robbed the quickee-mart. I don’t care how racist or foreign or how many liqour stores you own in the ghetto. If you know anything, you know that there is a clear cut negro with a Mohawk in the pork grind section not committing any crimes.
This Mr. T renaissance is passing me by and it don’t make any sense to me. I was good with the flat top, even when Kid made the eraser head shit hot. Who cares? I was like ten and it didn’t matter - I stuck to my priniciples. Don’t put no fade on that, just cut it clean. Does anybody remember fades? I miss those, too. I had a fade. I had a Brooklyn. I had a shag by accident once.
But I can’t jump on this fad. Why? Cause my office job doesn’t allow it. So fuck you, Black Mohawk guy. Not everyone can be a fucking DJ in a RAVE. Not everyone can be a bike messenger. Not everyone can live off their parents' money. Fuck you rich bastards and your trust funds! Who said money doesn't bring you happiness? It brings you mohawks and confidence and cocaine. And if that isn't heaven, well then I don't want to be in Heaven.
And now Mohawks have fades! Fades! How the hell did we add soul to a Mohawk? How?!
How many things have black people taken and made cool? Countless, right? Almost every major sport. A shitload of instruments. And now Mohawks. And it's amazing cause you can’t plan for these things, you don’t know when it’s gonna happen, it just does. Which is the essential philosophy of every ebonic word ever made.
But we focus on the successes too much - what about some of the failures that black people couldn’t make cool? Isn’t there a country music rap group? Remember when Def Jam tried to blend horror films and hip hop? Do you remember when they made a hip hop version of Carmen with Beyonce? That was crap. You know it and I know it.
So go ahead fellas. I'm not gonna get in your way. You're just trying to express yourselves through your art. Fuck it, I'll express myself in my own way, i.e. paying my rent. I'm not hating on Black Men with Mohawks, I'm just saying.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Black Men with Mohawks
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6 comments:
Just quit your office job and get one already! Btw, there's this new mohawk trend, and I think you can jump on it, even if you work in an office. It's sort of a shadow of a mohawk...so unless people are really peering closely at your head, they can't even tell if they're seeing a mohawk, or if there's just a swipe of dirt on your head.
"Who said money doesn't bring you happiness? It brings you mohawks and confidence and cocaine. And if that isn't heaven, well then I don't want to be in Heaven."
Truer words were never spoken.
Carmen: A Hip-Hopera
..fuck this blog..
~!I HAVE A MOHAWK!~
naw man, you're wrong about this one. black people do take MOST everything and make it cooler, but MOHAWKS is not one of those things. the only thing dumber than a white dude with a mohawk is a black dude with a mohawk. puffy. damon jones. AO. von wafer. all look mad corny. the only black man who can pull it off is first name mister, middle name period, last name...T!
I have a REAL job, I make good money doing web development, I don't live off my parents, I live in NYC (which is expensive as fuck), AND I've had my mohawk for 4 years. Maybe you're just not badass enough to have a job you love that also loves your style, haha! The people you listed have puny, pathetic, fad-of-the-week mohawks. They shave that shit off after a little while anyway, if it was even noticeable in the first place. If having a mohawk is such a concern, there are tons more jobs you could work/career paths you can take that will allow you to look as crazy as you want and still make good money. You clearly haven't met successful black people in real life that have mohawks and have regular careers. Instead of being the news anchor, you could be that badass cameraman with the hawk, for example. Or a mechanic. Or just about any job that isn't going to require you to be a corporate monkey.
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