The Declaration of Haterpendence

For all you haters out there, let us start by saying one thing: We are not hating. If there’s one thing the makers of this site hate, it’s hate.

That having been said, we did feel like there were certain things in this world that simply needed to be said. While we strive to be honest, we make it a point never to hate on anything. This would be inconsiderate and rude. We never judge – we only present the reality we see and allow you, the reader, to develop your own opinion based on facts. Take this as an example:

“I’m not hating, but Vin Diesel needs to get pissed on in the eyes and the only reason he should get a break is for just long enough to let the burning subside so that he is able to watch a compilation of all his movies, which would be the only thing more painful and degrading than getting a steady stream of hot horse urine in his eyes. I hope any woman he sleeps with gets his initials. I’m not hating, I’m just saying.”

Now, obviously, this is an objective statement of fact. As you can clearly see, at the beginning the poster explains, “I’m not hating.” This shows that he is in fact not hating. Then at the end, he again explains, “I’m not hating, I’m just saying.” This eliminates any lingering doubts that there might be any form of subjectivity within the post. He not only assures the reader that he is not hating, but he’s goes a step further, explaining that he is merely saying. Now of course, just because you say something doesn’t mean you’re not hating. We know this. That’s why we make sure to specify that we’re “just saying.” This eliminates all wiggle room.

We absolutely do not permit any hating on this site. And we’re not hating, but if that isn’t obvious to you, then you should probably go fall into a ditch somewhere and spend three weeks slowly deteriorating until someone finally sees you and it looks like they’re going to save you, but then it turns out it’s just that one kid you really hated in middle school and treated horribly, and he just won the lottery, so he doesn’t have to work anymore, and instead he just spends the next week watching you wither away and die while he eats food loudly and just hates on you non-stop, so that your last, dying breath is actually the exhale from the harshest and most cold-blooded hate ever said about you. We’re not hating, we’re just saying.