Hipsters

I’m not hating, but hipsters suck - they are a waste of space. You guys are some of the biggest haters in your own right, and that’s why I hate you. Your whole goal in life is to hate on stuff that everyone else likes and then love stuff that everyone else hates. This isn’t just because you were born different and you just happen to like different stuff. This is because you were such a clown growing up that you were forced to find the shit that nobody else wants and call it your own.

Let’s say the world is like a big pack of wolves, which it basically is. You all would be the lowest dog on the hierarchy. You pick up the scraps after everyone is done with them already. The thing is you have been doing this shit for so long, that you are able to pretend that you like it! You guys take everyone’s trash and love it. Maybe you should be called dumpsters instead of hipsters.

Here is a perfect example: thrift store clothes. The stuff you are buying (overpriced, I might add) from a thrift store(or vintage) was shit that was hot 20 years ago, but you rationalize it by saying “it’s ironic.” You just picked up the scraps of some guy who is now 30 but wore that stuff when he was 17…oh wait you are 30 also. High school hipsters I get, but old hipsters? There ain’t shit hip about a 45 year-old in skinny jeans. Why don’t you just go to the kids you hated in high school's old houses and raid their childhood closets? That way you can wear the very clothes of those that were such “jerks” to you in high school. How is that shit for ironic?

There is one thing I have to give you guys credit for because this is truly one of the strangest phenomenons I’ve ever seen. It is your ability to infiltrate a neighborhood and plant the seed of a pretentious gentrification bomb. Now I believe - and I’ll have to check the hater records - but I believe you guys may have taken over as the top gentrifyers on earth. I guess that makes sense because no one really wants to be around you, so you go places where people will just ignore you if they can. As far as hipster, you are always left alone, no one wants to deal with you.

Case in point, hipsters open up a bar right in the middle of a historically Black or Hispanic neighborhood, yet the music, the beer, and the atmosphere are soooo shitty that not one person actually from that neighborhood wants to set foot in the establishment! How the fuck did you all do that? I know that the music of some asshole from Iceland no one has ever heard of and the scent of PBR is enough to keep most people away, but not one local!? People avoid you like the plague, I guess they don’t want any of your fake apathy to rub off on them.

Fake apathy? Yes, you know what I am talking about hipsters, so don’t even deny it. The type of apathy where you say stuff like “I don’t care man, it doesn’t even matter what I wear,” even though you actively seek out the lamest (ironic) shit that you can find so you can put yourself on display out in some sort of hipster establishment. I’m sure you don’t give a shit, even though your skinny jeans ran you like $170, and your nondescript hoody, which looks like it is cheap but it is actually from American Apparel so it ran you a little over $120. Yea, it’s pretty clear you don’t give a shit.

Just like when your band plays in some shithole bar, you don’t care that only 8 people are there, because if there were any more people you would feel "too mainstream" anyway. Don’t you worry about being "too mainstream.” I’m pretty sure your concerts that consist of you with a laptop just full of animal noises and snare isn’t going to catch on anytime soon. I’m not hating hipsters, I’m just saying.